I thought that the best cure for pain was getting busy and trying to forget at any cost what had transpired. But it doesn’t work that way. Or at least it hasn’t worked for me. Those solutions are temporary. Getting over pain takes a period of mourning. Now, I’m at that point, and I’m not running from it. Why?
There is a good reason for us to take our time to mourn a loss, a change, a broken heart or any painful experience we go through. To move ahead we must understand what has happened and feel the pain, understand the loss but by no means obsess about it. I mean that we must look at what befell us and be kind to ourselves taking the time to fully recover.
These last months I have felt like a load of heavy lead were inside me. I felt numb and far away from where I was. Not really present. As if I were on the outside looking in. Actually, I’m still at that point where I don’t feel like socializing a whole lot. I feared that I was collapsing into depression, which for me is a scary thought. I’ve already been there before. However, it suddenly came to me when for the first time ever I went by myself to a museum. There, I realized that as happy as I was being alone, my heavy heart and mourning over my divorce hadn’t ended.
I can’t deny that it was for the best, but after 16 years with someone, it’s a shock the brain has to adjust to. I’m mourning and readjusting my whole life and this is scary. I need to be kind to myself, and as long as I’m aware that grief is a slow process, I can allow myself to be quieter than usual, less social for a while and more introverted and introspective. The time will come when the weight of the heavy lead inside me will lighten up and disappear. I know this for sure and this thought is very comforting.