The importance of mourning loss

I thought that the best cure for pain was getting busy and trying to forget at any cost what had transpired. But it doesn’t work that way. Or at least it hasn’t worked for me. Those solutions are temporary. Getting over pain takes a period of mourning. Now, I’m at that point, and I’m not running from it. Why?

There is a good reason for us to take our time to mourn a loss, a change, a broken heart or any painful experience we go through. To move ahead we must understand what has happened and feel the pain, understand the loss but by no means obsess about it. I mean that we must look at what befell us and be kind to ourselves taking the time to fully recover.

These last months I have felt like a load of heavy lead were inside me. I felt numb and far away from where I was. Not really present. As if I were on the outside looking in. Actually, I’m still at that point where I don’t feel like socializing a whole lot. I feared that I was collapsing into depression, which for me is a scary thought. I’ve already been there before. However, it suddenly came to me when for the first time ever I went by myself to a museum. There, I realized that as happy as I was being alone, my heavy heart and mourning over my divorce hadn’t ended.

I can’t deny that it was for the best, but after 16 years with someone, it’s a shock the brain has to adjust to. I’m mourning and readjusting my whole life and this is scary. I need to be kind to myself, and as long as I’m aware that grief is a slow process, I can allow myself to be quieter than usual, less social for a while and more introverted and introspective. The time will come when the weight of the heavy lead inside me will lighten up and disappear. I know this for sure and this thought is very comforting.

4 thoughts on “The importance of mourning loss

  1. dgkaye

    Any sort of a disengagement is a sense of loss. And without accepting the grieving process of the loss it can fester within when we only think we’re covering up our wounds with a bandaid and moving on without acceptance in our heartsl

  2. Matt

    I want to say that ‘I don’t know what to say about your divorce’ but I know that your heart, soul and mind were
    promising from the day you committed your vows and years after. You gave your marriage time and patience.
    I wish the best for you.

    We share the friendship with Tom, may he rest in peace. Until this day, I have not mourned his passing and I don’t know why. I met Tom, Thomas Driskill, on my first day at the job in 1976 and he was friendly and helpful.
    I will never forget him. We were in an industry that was filled with angst and confusion, and changing from the old to the new way, that there were barriers to lasting friendships. I know, not a good excuse, but things were moving rapidly against our craft.

    One day I will involuntarily say “I wish Tom were here….” and that will begin my mourning. I will shake my head, look down to the ground and realize I miss him.

    It’s good to see that your teaching career is progressing and that you’re content with your location. Is it San Francisco?
    On the lighter side:
    I probably owe your Dad an explanation.
    I’m happy for Lorraine.
    I am a grandfather of 5, one girl and 4 boys, ages 9 yrs. to 6 months.
    If you want pictures, let me know.
    Before I wrote this letter I Googled ‘What do you say to somebody who has recently divorced from an
    unhappy marriage’?
    It’s interesting because they have ‘what to say’ and ‘what not to say’

    I live in Wofford Heights CA now. There are those who need prayers, positive thoughts, and help in these parts
    because of the wildfires. One wildfire is less that 20 miles from my home. #cedarfire


    also pray or positive thoughts for those people, pets and wildlife. #BlueCutFire.

    Best Wishes to you

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