Why I walked away with nothing.

Now, as the year comes to an end, I reflect on what has transpired and I’m OK with most everything. When I was blindsided by my husband’s request for a divorce, I nodded, got my bags and walked away without a fight and with nothing.

I looked ahead and went with it, not wanting to look back. I still don’t, but I keep finding reminders of what I don’t have. As I tagged along with my sister and my brother in law to IKEA the other day to get my nieces their furniture, my heart sunk a little when I realized I used to have a computer table, a sofa, a comfortable chair, a bookshelf, cute towels, silverware, etc… Now, I have none of that and not even a place to call home, but I still don’t regret walking away with nothing.

Why did I walk away with nothing? Besides not having the room, I wanted nothing to remind me of the life I left behind, but probably most importantly, I wanted no confrontations. Things, in reality, are not important to me. (Yes, I love shoes, but that’s a whole different story, they are mine and I did walk away with them.) I am not going to fight over a chair or silverware. If I could, and believe me, I’m working on it; I wouldn’t see my ex ever again.  However, all the paperwork and divorce papers must be signed and I can’t wait to get all that over with. I wish I could walk away from that too.

I walked away fast and with nothing because I needed to start over fast. I needed to escape the loss, his anger, the bad vibes I was left with along with the boxes he delivered to my friend’s house that is now my storage unit.

What I did walk away with was my independence, the love of my true friends and family, lot’s of gratitude for all I really have and always carry with me; and a bag full of hope and pending forgiveness.

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Why I walked away with nothing.

  1. bohemianbabushka

    Ay mujer, you walked away with EVERYTHING. Al final, if we don’t have self respect and peace, no tenemos na’.
    BB2U

  2. Laura W.

    Walking away with nothing allowed me to walk away with pride. It gave me back the confidence I let him steal throughout our marriage. It was a reminder to both of us that I really didn’t need him. I got this. This is my life. He can keep the couch. I never liked it anyway.

  3. Nate

    I’ve counseled countless couples in situations like this and I wish this approach really worked and did more than making us feel better in the short term, but unfortunately it just doesn’t. What this brave-sounding decision almost always actually turns out to be: “When my spouse decided they wanted to quit and run rather than stay and do the hard work of marriage and of figuring out how they would need to change and grow in order to become a different kind of person so that they could be part of creating a different kind of marriage with me, I decided I would follow their lead and also run from all that. And so I left ‘everything’ and ran too.” Sadly, these important parts of our past don’t actually stay in the past. Whether we like it or not they remain part of (and further shape) the kind of person we actually are and we can no more leave that behind and out run it than we can our own shadow…

  4. Pingback: The importance of mourning loss – On Life, Hope y todo lo demás…

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