Now, as the year comes to an end, I reflect on what has transpired and I’m OK with most everything. When I was blindsided by my husband’s request for a divorce, I nodded, got my bags and walked away without a fight and with nothing.
I looked ahead and went with it, not wanting to look back. I still don’t, but I keep finding reminders of what I don’t have. As I tagged along with my sister and my brother in law to IKEA the other day to get my nieces their furniture, my heart sunk a little when I realized I used to have a computer table, a sofa, a comfortable chair, a bookshelf, cute towels, silverware, etc… Now, I have none of that and not even a place to call home, but I still don’t regret walking away with nothing.
Why did I walk away with nothing? Besides not having the room, I wanted nothing to remind me of the life I left behind, but probably most importantly, I wanted no confrontations. Things, in reality, are not important to me. (Yes, I love shoes, but that’s a whole different story, they are mine and I did walk away with them.) I am not going to fight over a chair or silverware. If I could, and believe me, I’m working on it; I wouldn’t see my ex ever again. However, all the paperwork and divorce papers must be signed and I can’t wait to get all that over with. I wish I could walk away from that too.
I walked away fast and with nothing because I needed to start over fast. I needed to escape the loss, his anger, the bad vibes I was left with along with the boxes he delivered to my friend’s house that is now my storage unit.
What I did walk away with was my independence, the love of my true friends and family, lot’s of gratitude for all I really have and always carry with me; and a bag full of hope and pending forgiveness.