I never thought this would happen to me. That I would turn 50 and then 51. I actually thought older people belonged to a different species in my youth. As I got closer to 50 I felt anxious, but once I arrived and became part of that over 50 species I feel somewhat relieved.
My life is a complete chaos now, nevertheless, I feel more at peace now with the world and more at ease and accepting of who I am and others. I feel I have finally arrived. After all my fretting about the future, it is finally here, my future is now, my present. Emotionally, I have never felt better. I guess this is the destination many of us hope to arrive to.
When my friend turned fifty he said he now lived from his past and not for his future. What he meant was that he was a product of his past and how he had evolved as a person until now. He was happy with his life and who he had become. Grateful to live in the present with no grand hopes and expectations for the future, but enjoy friendships and experiences.
I’m grateful for every single thing I have gone through, even every feeling I have experienced whether it was joy or unbearable pain. But what I’m most grateful for all those people throughout my life who’ve taught invaluable lessons.
At this point, I’ve left behind many things: addictions, worries, obsessions, and fears. Now, I’m enjoying this wild trip of enjoying life as it comes, with its sorrows, losses, and complications. I don’t panic anymore about the uncertain future, there is little I can do but what is at hand and live and do my best one day at a time.
I’ve finally arrived at my destination. “Welcome home.”