It was a year ago, on a Friday, when my life as I knew it vanished. I’m in no way mourning it, but remembering it because it’s one of those dates that change our lives completely.
‘We have to talk.” He was able to say what I didn’t dare to, and for that I admire him. Not for the way he did it or the way he said it because it was rough, but for having been brave enough to do it.
I’m sure now, a year later, that the wording in the divorce papers stated the truth to the dot. “Irreconcilable differences.” I don’t know what kept us together for 17 years because we couldn’t have been more different. I just know we reached a point when we were no longer friends and that was the end of it.
Our silences, in time, grew more uncomfortable, our time away from each other a relief. I believe that we purposefully avoided each other and found things to do that we knew the other wasn’t into, simply to avoid conflict or to not face the fact that our relationship was dead and there was no resurrecting it.
A year later today, there is no anger between us. I’m glad this year is over, and now I have a few more lessons on my back about relationships, marriage and myself.
- I never understood “till death do us apart” and I still don’t.
- Marriage should be a partnership.
- Make sure you know how hard a divorce is before you marry.
- Some people, like myself, are not marriage material.
- Marry or be with someone who is fun to talk to. At the end of the day, that’s what will hold you together.
- After the initial pink cloud in a relationship, you are left with the core of the person, make sure you like it.
- If you cannot be yourself 100%, let it go.
- Your partner cannot be everything to you, but make sure he’s a fun playmate.
- Respect is essential.
- Don’t confuse being in love with loving someone. It’s very different. Love is sometimes tough; being in love does not take a conscious effort.
This is my story. You have your own. There are no rules. We blindly go ahead and write our stories as we go, hoping to acquire some common sense from our experiences along the way and do better next time if there is one.