Why I would commit suicide but won’t.

Life is not easy, that is a fact. Some people are more resilient than others and can take life in stride, being more able to tolerate and overcome hardship. Some call it courage. If you lack that courage or that degree of resilience to face life, you might toy with the idea of suicide when life becomes too painful to bear.

Although time has made me stronger, I’m not too resilient, especially the last couple of years, which have played to the tune of “kick me when I’m down.’ Which have brought me to toy with the idea, when things get to be too overbearing, to check myself out and say “See ya!” But I can’t.

The thought of suicide crept up lately when I thought of losing a very loved family member. Just the thought of a life without him would make life worthless and unlovable. I know everyone goes through loss, but having gone through the experience of losing a friend recently, makes me even more doubtful that I could make it.

I won’t go through with it, however, because I have now a responsibility with those I love, to not inflict in them the same pain I cannot bear to go through myself. I will stay strong and keep going just for my girls, my family and friends. It is not fair for them. If there is something that hurts more than losing someone is causing anyone any pain. This is what will keep me safe.

There is always an excuse for everything and hopefully we will all find the one that will make life worth living.

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One thought on “Why I would commit suicide but won’t.

  1. Julianna Ballentine

    I’m one of those people who has the courage to live and after reading this I understand now what thoughts goes through a person’s head when they want to end it all. If no one else cares I care and hope you find courage to stand up to life. Life can throw you some low blows but I know you can make it. Hang in there and have hope for a better tomorrow.

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