Don’t we wish there were an antidote for loss? For the pain or even a way to skip it all together? The only antidote is time and experience, and not even that can prepare you. However, there are ways to manage loss and make it more bearable.
I was thinking the other day that making new friends, however wonderful that is, inevitably sets us up to yet another loss in time. Should I avoid making new friends for this reason? For not having to someday miss them? Nope. Not a good idea, no matter how much pain we will be in, those new friends will be the ones who will help us deal with the losses of other friends.
I used to think “death” was something we shouldn’t talk about, a taboo, but it turns out that death is a big part of life. Death should be talked about and especially a recent death, because keeping it bottled up only makes it worse. Sharing the experience of a loss is like letting go, little by little of the pain. It brings some sort of relief to let it out and gives us a sense of normalcy.
Talk, talk about it, about your loved one, not incessantly, but don’t avoid it either. If something reminds you of that person, tell your friend, this may lighten the burden.
And talk to the departed too. Not like a crazy person, but keep a dialogue if that makes you feels better. I know it makes me feel better. My friend, before he left, told me to talk to him, to tell his son to talk to him that he would still be there, that he would listen. His son does it and so do I, and I like to think he is smiling and nodding and telling me as he always did that everything will be OK. This is how I’m managing my loss… a day at a time with my friends and my conversations with the departed.