Our hearts inevitably break as we go through life. Our jobs, friends, lovers, let us down. They leave us or disillusion us, probably from the high expectations we place on them in the first place. That’s far from being bad, though. That these things happened means that we had hopes and were positive and brave enough to pursue them, no matter the outcome. We tried, and this in itself makes us deserving of a badge of honour.
Yet, we suffer. We all have our own timing, our grieving period. We become impatient when our hearts still ache after months or even years, and we can’t wait for life to prove us that ‘this too shall pass,’ that “time cures everything,” Yes, of course, it does, but there is no hard and fast rule that will guarantee how long the pain will last. Our heartache has its own expiration date.
One of mine lasted over three years. Yet, I knew from the start the outcome. I knew deep in my gut this was not going to end well for me. From the start, I told him: “You are going to break my heart.” He did. I allowed him to break it countless times. “Allowed” being the key word. I should have walked away the moment I said those words, but I chose to close my eyes the facts and hoped to be wrong. I wasn’t. I kept on going, maybe thinking, as we all do when we are in love, that it will get better. He will actually take care of my heart.
I can’t blame him. I stood there steadfast and I am to blame. This business of taking responsibility is actually a relief, not having to blame the other takes away any anger or hard feelings. This is when you start to mend, to become whole again and ready yourself for the next heartbreak. Yes, because if it’s not a lover, it will be a friend. So is the human condition. We can’t avoid hurt.
Mending your heart will take time, your own time, and one day you will look back and maybe laugh and say “What the fuck was I thinking?” And realize that the scars do heal, not completely, but living with them will become easier. You’ll wake up one day and it’ won’t be your first thought of the day. You will be free from the chains of pain and whatever or whoever ripped your heart apart.
Life is a continuous lesson and we get better at it the more we practice.
Get well soon.