The thrill of being alone

Ever since I was 16 I’ve been in a relationship. The fear of being alone was scary, so you can well imagine that some of my choices were not the best. Sometimes, I now feel, I didn’t even choose, they chose me, and out of fear of solitude, I went with it. Yes, very sad. However, now that I haven’t been in a relationship for a year and a half, I’m thrilled to be alone. I was actually afraid of something before I had even experienced it. This comes to show how fear can really dictate your life and choices quite negatively.

A former student of mine told me that he heard somewhere that it takes two years to recover from divorce for every ten years you’ve been in a relationship. I’m not really recovering from divorce, I was fine with that, it was simply how radically and quickly my life changed overnight and how slowly I realized that I should have left sooner. But fear ruled me then. As I sit writing this, alone, in peace, with nobody waiting for me, I feel this liberating sense of freedom.

Now, probably I do have the reverse fear, the fear of entanglements, especially emotional ones. I need, at this time of my life, to be alone, at peace with myself and focus on rebuilding. Make deeper connections, be more present with those I care for. Enjoy friendships, but also enjoy my “me time.”

I’m thrilled to be alone. I feel light and content, and I’m no longer afraid to face life alone.

 

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