The stupid conscious things we do

I’m reading a book by Rosa Montero titled; The Flesh. It’s a novel about a mature, independent and intelligent middle-aged woman who ends up falling for a gigolo after an affair gone awry, and the questions this tortuous relationship unleashes. It’s mostly a reflection of how even though we are fully conscious of the fullish things we do, we can’t  help ourselves. As if there were two conversations going on, the foolish and the intelligent one.

What drives us to do stupid things? If we dig down deep enough, we may come to realize our conduct is a side effect of our past experiences, often early in life, especially if these were traumatic. So, we often set ourselves up for disappointment very consciously.

Is it possible to stop the stupidity cycle? This would mean we’d have to change our core nature and this would mean fighting our inner demons that drive us to disaster.

I’ve been able to change some self-defeating habits, but as in “The Flesh,” I struggle with what I should do versus what I actually do. With experience and a lot of trial and error, it’s getting better and more often than not, my common sense wins over my initial drive. I seem to be making friends with my neurosis, at long last!

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