I like my space, my solitude, often crave it, but I have realized that there are times when this solitude, can turn on me, becoming loneliness, which then steers my thoughts towards dark places, creating a downward spiral, which is hard to stop and get out of.
Now, may not be the time to run and hide from the world to enjoy solitude, because when you are in a vulnerable and fragile state, it’s best to try to balance solitude with company. Sometimes my new friend Drew, the pet I share, will do, other times, I need to get out and join the world of friends I have and deeply appreciate.
When you’ve been served lemons for months, one is quick to decide it’s best to hide in a hole just in case more of that sour juice finds you. But this train of thought is not one to foster and neither is it good medicine for a weak heart.
As my new life slowly unfolds, I am trying to find direction and learning to detect when it’s not a good time to keep to myself. I find such relief and warmth at work, that I believe that this feeling will last all day. It doesn’t, it fades slowly and I have to muster the strength to reach out and seek more company from my friends. The problem is that I’m’ the type who is afraid to reach out, call someone, in case I bother them. I am aware that this is faulty thinking, but it’s just my brain’s automatic thought response.
When it’s not a good idea to be alone, in my experience:
-After a breakup.
-When you lose a job.
-When you lose someone.
-When you feel lonely.
-When you wish everything would end.
– When life gives you a truckload of lemons.
-When you move to a new place.
– On important dates, you may not foresee. These may actually make you feel even lonely and left out.
Company to seek:
-Dogs or any other loving pet.
-Strangers. –Going to get a pedicure, shopping etc… These simple interactions can make you feel part of the world.
Slowly, I know, as I adjust to my new life, with my new routines, I will be able to manage solitude much better. Meanwhile, I will try to find a balance with the help of company.