I have come to the conclusion that there seems to be an age of loss. Nobody seems to bring this up, because really, it would be a real bummer to know before hand. Maybe it’s not a universal truth because each one of us has a different “age of loss.” Mine is now and I know this is just the beginning.
Loss after loss, close and far, I don’t think I’m getting stronger or more resilient. There are things you just don’t get used to, especially feelings. There is no muscle involved that strengthens the feelings loss bring about.
How to manage loss, however, can be learnt or we can find our unique tools. I am learning to manage mine using tools that help me soothe the pain.
How I try to manage my losses:
- Every morning I play classical music and go out to the garden and say, “Thank you.” For all the good things I had and have.
- I’ve found that quiet and peaceful places like temples, any temple, soothe me.
- Listening to other people, deeply.
- Helping others, being of service in some way. This may be as simple as hugging someone, reaching out to someone who is in need of a simple “Hi!” text… or any form of care.
- Doing something for my and body soul; exercise, a long walk, a massage and often the most mundane things like a mani-pedi.
- Most of all, facing the loss, feeling it and talking about it.
- Spending time alone to think and make peace with the loss.
There are many ways to manage loss, you just have to find yours. We will all experience our own age of loss. Hopefully, losses won’t come one after another like mine. Yet, I am lucky because, through all of them, I have not been alone. I’ve had and have the love of friends and family. And has probably been the most important key to emotionally survive all those losses.
May you find your way.