Maybe not at the time did I feel grateful, especially while it was happening, but now in retrospect I can see how I dodged plenty a bullet and I’m able to thank, who knows who, for all those experiences that one might tag as unfortunate. I, on the other hand, see how those things had a profound impact on who I am today, my values and that sense of relief for having been able to climb out of the ruts unscathed.

I’m grateful for things that have helped me grow and especially empathize with other fellow beings.

• I’m grateful for having been an alcoholic. (Now recovering for 21 years.) I was so shy at the time that there was no room for living life without crutches. I had to learn to grow up, take responsibility and blame only myself. Now I have a better understanding of those who like me, needed a place to hide.
• I’m grateful for those destructive habits. The anger I felt towards myself for my inability to cope with pain. Those burns I wear on my left hand are a reminder of the pain I put myself and others through and I will never go there again. Now I can emphasize and bring those who indulge in similar practices some hope and assure them that you can actually learn to stop hating yourself and learn to love yourself, just a little every day.
• I’m grateful for those who left me, just at the right turning point so I could gain perspective and try to get my life together.
• I am grateful for those “sad” episodes that helped me seek help. It was tough because I wanted to do it alone, only to spiral down further into my darkness. I hit bottom and swam up to catch fresh new air and start over.
• I’m grateful for the moments I felt so lost. Now I know that I’m not alone… We all feel lost at some time, we only have to clench our teeth and wait the storm out.
• I’m grateful for those long weeks of desperate crying that seemed to come to no end. Through them, I came out refreshed, renewed and saw the world in a different light.
• I’m also very grateful because all those who I met on the way, taught me tough lessons. If it hurts, there is a lesson to learn.
• I’m grateful for the tough love as much as I hated it back then. It helped me swim to shore on my own.
• I’m grateful for all the fuckups, for my ADHD, for my compulsions and addictions that have peeled away and bared my soul, leaving me naked and ready to face the world “just as I am.”
• I’m grateful to those who dislike me, for they have taught me not to care anymore what others may think of me.
• And I’m grateful to be able to write about it and say: I am a survivor… As we all are…

May you be grateful too for the good and the not so good…