Promises are sometimes made liberally, at a time when we’re caught in the web of emotion and make them out of either love or pressure.  I’m guilty of a few broken promises, but especially one I made to my deceased grandmother Catherine. This weighs on me like a tombstone and the guilt still haunts me, no matter the weight of the excuses I have which have kept me from sticking to the promise.

I promised my grandmother to take care of my estranged mother when she were gone. At the time, I was 24, the last time I saw my grandmother Catherine alive. She worried about my mom, and I gave into the promise I was never to keep. Back then I was young, didn’t know yet what road to take and was still having a romance with alcohol. Therefore, when my grandmother passed away I was in no shape to take care of my mother and least of all myself. Luckily my estranged cousins and her own cousins have been there for her since my grandmother passed. For this, I’m grateful to them.

I’m sorry I never kept the promise and I still cannot fulfill it today. The emotional toll would break us both and I know my mother is a fighter and can overcome any obstacle on her own.

I will always feel guilty for this broken promise. I have since learnt not make any promise I cannot keep. If not fulfilled these unkept promises will haunt us forever and that is a load I rather not carry in my conscience. I shall help people any way I can at the time, but shall not commit to anything, even under the emotional pressure it may hold if I’m not sure I can deliver.

Be mindful when making promises, the guilt of not following through erodes your soul.