I’m nothing without you CC by Vermario

How often do we hear lyrics in songs promoting self berating?  “I‘m nothing without you, I’m lost without you, I’m in pain without you, I need you to breathe!” And the thing is, we can all relate because we have been there – heartbroken, feeling the wave of love come over us. We have lost and we have won in love.

Love is painful at some point. Whether we lose someone because of death or because this person ceases to love us. Being bombarded by these lyrics, which I admit to think some are beautiful, does not make us feel better.

Adele’s Someone like you, U2′s With or without you and Air Supply’s I’m all out of love, would best describe codependency.

• Healthy lyrics to live by

What if we changed these lyrics to something like: “I’m not yours, I belong to nobody, I  chose to share my life with you but I can fend for myself…”  Doesn’t this sound and make you feel better already? But these lyrics would’t sell. They don’t cater to the needy, the low self-esteem, the mourner. They cater to strong independent people – those who would only be  attracted to people who add to their lives. Those  who don’t allow being controlled, taken care of, nor do they depend on others for their self-worth. Those who are not codependent.

Love is a union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining individuality and integrity of one’s own self.

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