They say that women of a certain age become invisible, and that seems to make women feel bad. Yet, I have wanted most of my life to be invisible, do my own thing and not be touched by life’s uncomfortable moments. We all have areas where we feel uncomfortable and would like to avoid at all costs. I’m at that time when I’m becoming more invisible and at the cusp of it, I find it almost welcoming. At least, I know now, that it’s a choice I made a long time ago; to become so invisible that nothing could hurt or touch me. I got the invisible part almost down, not the hurt.
So, invisibility was not foolproof containment against the elements. I tried to take up little to no space, to be as quiet as possible, so nobody could tell I existed and I could go on my way unscathed. I made as little eye contact as possible, I shied away from parties or large gatherings, avoiding any type of attention, but unless I moved to a remote deserted town, it was not to happen.
In life we always have to give up something, I’ve given up trying to follow the crowds and settled for a quiet content life but at times my dear solitude can turn into a crowded loneliness and deafening quiet.