We all think we are right when we have a conversation and happen to disagree, which often leads to anger and hurt feelings. And that’s the key: feelings are not expressed and neither the reasons why we feel hurt. That’s where we make the mistake, we don’t question what’s behind this person’s stance on a subject or disagreement and conversations are left there, lingering with no resolution. We lack the information to understand where the other person is coming from to be able to reach an understanding and move forward.
Many problems in communication arise from all those things left unsaid, especially feelings, as well as all those things we did in order to please another but failed to do so. We quietly stay hurt and angry because we are afraid to bring the subject up and be misunderstood. We just keep it there hidden away, while it eats at us. Unresolved business doesn’t heal unless we face it with the other party involved.
I had a misunderstanding with a friend. She thought one thing and I thought another. We both thought were right and were angry at each other. Of course, this had to do with the incomplete information we both had, which had a lot to do with feelings and things we did but didn’t know till we made the effort to try to understand each other. It seemed easier to say “Fuck it!” but not realistically. I would lose a friend, the pain and the loss would have been unbearable, so, fortunately, we opted to keep trying to understand each other’s feelings on the matter. Now it’s resolved because while the circumstances are still not to our liking and she still has her feelings and I have mine on the matter, we are going to move on but with understanding. It will take time to reach the place where we won’t feel strained, but it’s better to move on and stay friends.
It’s really hard to express how we feel while trying to spare the other person’s feelings. It’s also a very humbling experience. You make yourself vulnerable which brings insecurities to light. However, if we don’t speak up and tell our side of the story, we may miss resolving issues with people which mean the world to us.