I believe addiction is escaping emotion. Some of us find emotions too overwhelming to bear and try to escape them by indulging in drugs, alcohol or any other addictive behavior.Addiction is not something we seek. It’s simply a way we addicts deal with life without fully realizing we are trying to escape emotions. Once we know, this awareness doesn’t necessarily make things easier or helps us stop. Sometimes it just makes using harder and more painful, yet we keep at it until one day, if we are lucky, we can quit and then face “emotions.”
Quitting in itself is easy, what’s hardest is facing feelings without our crutches. Learning to not allow emotions to overwhelm us becomes an arduous job, however, well worth it in the long run.
When I quit I was relieved but felt raw. I had avoided feelings for so long that I didn’t know what to do with them. I could hardly name them or understand them. I often panicked, but somehow in time, I began to manage my feelings better and did my best to not run from them. I sat tightly and rode them out.
Once an addict, always an addict. I may not use, but there, hidden, lies the tiger waiting to escape and run.