I find myself stuttering when I call for a doctor’s appointment and they ask me for my mailing address. Then it hits me; I have no permanent mailing address! It takes me a while to react and then decide I’ll give my old address, which is the one on file for now. How long is for “now”? I don’t know.

This happened again today, in fact, but only now at the end of the day does it hit me hard. What have I been doing all these years to not deserve a permanent address? And then I realize that this is what happens when you haven’t figured a plan B when you marry, and you are too afraid to think about the worst-case scenarios. This is also when you start thinking about the “should’ve, could’ve” and banging your head against the walls. Living in the moment does not mean not planning a little ahead.

I know in time I will have an address. I hope this address is filled with light, love and peace so that at the end of the day I can have a warm home to go to that feels mine. I will just have to wait a little bit and work towards getting it while also living in the present.