My grandmother at 98 inspires me to be alone.

Every Sunday, I try to call my grandmother who raised me in Spain since I was 3. If I don’t, it’s because I don’t have the heart to call her when I’m sad. Yet, when I call her she cheers me up and makes me laugh.

Last Sunday I had my first conversation with her about my break up and she was more than inspiring. She told me about how I could be happier now and that I needed nobody to feel loved or whole.

Since my grandfather decided to leave for greener pastures he told her: “I love you and will never divorce you because you are my wife, but I like to be with other women.” Yep, a shocker to hear, but he came around to visit almost every week for about 30 years after he flew the coop. She loved him, she sacrificed her life for him and helped him achieve his goals. She worked hard to bring my dad up and instill in him the love of learning and study. She is and was a tough woman.

She never went with another man. My grandfather was the one and only. I never understood why, but now I do. She didn’t need another man in her life to feel fulfilled or loved. She was content with us, her family.

I kind of feel that way now. I don’t feel any need to be with anyone. I lived with someone and it didn’t work out. Marriage is not for me. Friendships and family are. They fill me with joy, company and love. What else could I possibly want? Nothing. I’m whole as I am. And this feeling I owe to my grandmother.

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