We seem to feel we are victims of our circumstances, as Ortega y Gasset said, and that we can’t do anything about it. We feel helpless, and find a million excuses to stay stuck in the same place.

Life “just happens” to us and we accept what comes along as our fate, our punishment, if we decide to call it that. If something bad happens we feel we deserve it, and we attract that which we believe we are.

Avoidance of responsibility

If we believe we are victims and fall into the cycle of feeling sorry for ourselves and thinking we are the victims of outside circumstances and events, we become powerless. We stop trying to fight and do nothing but pity ourselves, believing that nothing we do will change the way life treats us. It’s a blame game.

If Peter hadn’t treated me like this I wouldn’t have such a hard time finding love. If my mother had loved me more, I would love myself, and on and on. Blaming others releases us from the responsibility of taking an active role in our lives.

The guilt

As victims we feel guilty. Everything is our fault. If my mother didn’t love me it’s because I am unlovable. We don’t try to change our circumstances because we actually feel guilty that somehow we’ve provoked the misfortune that comes our way. We feel doomed, paralyzed and powerless.

Take responsibility

If we believe we are victims and fall into the cycle of feeling sorry for ourselves and thinking we are the victims of outside circumstances and events, we become powerless.

To take responsibility for your fortune, you first have to accept that you can do nothing about what happened in the past.

You can change your perception, and act, not just endure events and accept them. You can actually try to do something to change the outcome. For example, if it’s some unfortunate event like a losing your job, you can’t change that fact, but you can take an active role and try to find another job, instead of berating your employer for letting you go, while you sit and do nothing positive.