What one can achieve in sobriety is deeply personal; it looks different for everyone. For me, the emotional challenges were far more difficult than the physical ones. Alcohol gave me a false sense of self. I felt free, uninhibited, as if I had finally broken the chains of shyness and insecurity. But that freedom was an illusion. When the walls I had built for protection came down, I was left completely defenseless in a world that terrified me.

Suddenly, feelings I had worked so hard to suppress fear, vulnerability, self-doubt—rushed in with overwhelming force. I felt exposed, fragile, broken. And worst of all, I believed the world could see it.

Now, 33 years later, I can look back and recognize the slow, painful, but steady emotional growth that came with sobriety. It didn’t happen all at once. The very emotions I had tried to escape had stunted my development, and I had to face storms I’d long avoided. They hurt. But they also helped me grow stronger and more capable of living without crutches.

Since the day I quit drinking at 27, I haven’t wanted to go back. That doesn’t mean it was easy. There were many moments when I curled up, overwhelmed by feelings I didn’t know how to handle. But drinking was never an option. Somehow, I knew it wouldn’t fix anything.

People say, “Never say never” when it comes to sobriety, and I understand that. Addiction is a disease of the soul. For a long time, the natural ups and downs of life felt like they weren’t meant for someone like me. I’m still afraid sometimes. But I don’t run from it as often anymore. I try to stand my ground, even if I do it with clenched teeth. I’ve trained myself to stick it out.

It helps that I love what I do; drinking would only get in the way.

Sobriety has helped me survive loss: the deaths of loved ones, a divorce, financial hardship, loneliness, and heartbreak. But perhaps the most meaningful achievement has been the ability to form and maintain genuine friendships. That connection is something I never thought I’d be capable of.

I still struggle with feelings of worthlessness and feeling unlovable. But I have hope that one day, I’ll truly feel deserving of love, of peace, of life.

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