We are given many chances throughout our lives to reinvent ourselves, especially after every fall. It is in these moments that we find out which of our personality traits are worth working on to overcome them and grow, especially in the relationship department. While it might be painful to face our truths, this is the best time to get to know ourselves better and find out what no longer works for us, as our fears and insecurities that once were hidden in the shadows and may have surfaced when we got involved with someone. It is essential for us to take responsibility and work on ourselves in order to arrive at our next destination in better shape and deal in healthier loving ways.

We cannot change drastically but we can learn healthier ways to cope with our quirks. We may be wired a certain way but can learn new habits to have our weaknesses not take over our lives or sabotage our relationship with the world.

I’ve had a chance to grow and make some changes to overcome my drawbacks that have kept me from living fully. And every one of them has to do with things I discovered when in a relationship. Either a romantic one or a friendship. I have a long way to go, but this is the life journey we are embarked on, so why not make it better if we can?

• I’m socially anxious, but instead of avoiding these situations, I face them and even sign up for them. I set some boundaries. In stead of staying a whole evening, I commit to an hour so I don’t become drained.
• I have become more comfortable with talking over the phone. I suffered a lot of anxiety over this but discovered it’s a clearer way to communicate. Plus, I’ve been forced to since I had to move, rent a home, get services and buy a car. All of these required a phone call at least, if not more!
• I’ve become aware of my fear of commitment and I’m ready to work on this. While I commit fully to friends and work, I need to work on this in relationships.
• The thought of living alone scared me. Now, forced to, because the option was sharing, I decided I had to and I am loving it.
• Fear of driving. This is a big one… Either I spent an hour commuting or 12 minutes by car. No brainer. I went one afternoon out of frustration and bought a car in four hours and had to drive home. I was scared stiff on the drive but happy I had finally taken the step to overcome this debilitating and frustrating fear.
• Fear of feeling too much. I have learned to not panic and sit with my feelings, cry if I have to and get through it. Feelings, if avoided eventually catch up with you and keep you stuck, unable to see the positive.
• I have realized I have to get more comfortable with receiving than giving.
• Before I can help anyone, I need to put my oxygen mask on first.
• Patience is key to living a life in peace.

There are many lessons I’ve learned and changes I’ve made. I still have a lot of work to do on myself, but I am happy that I have the time and willingness. Life is short and I’m not giving up! Not just yet!