The worst thing you can tell your father, and I did

There are many ways to let off steam, one is by voicing how you feel even if what you say may hurt another. What I told my father, was one of the worst things you can tell a dad, but I felt the urge to tell another human being how I was feeling and he was there.

I don’t know about other people but when I finally voice what I’m feeling it loses its strength and becomes not a bottled up urge, but a simple human reaction to circumstances. A feeling doesn’t have to be a fact and what I disclosed to my dad that day was just a way to tell him how desperately lost I felt. I’m glad I did. It helped me feel better because he listened, didn’t judge or panic because he understood where I was coming from; A deep all too human feeling.

I was leaving the next day to my adopted city. I felt desperately lonely, anxious, lost and sad. Tears were welling up, I had a knot that was tightening my throat and I felt as if I were choking. I had to tell him: ‘Daddy, the problem is that I feel like I don’t want to live anymore. It’s too hard right now.” At first, he misunderstood and only heard that life was hard. My voice was so thin and broken that I had to repeat what I had said while choking with tears. Finally, he understood and said amongst other things that he totally understood how I felt. That he too had felt that way, but that he would never do that to us. He promised and made me promise I wouldn’t either. After a comforting chat, I felt such an emotional relief that we ended up laughing and he told me: “Just let me know next time you feel this way and we can facetime it and do it together.” Our family has some sense of humor, I must admit!

Having voiced the worst feeling to my father, helped me feel better. It was a relief for both. I think. Allowing us to realize that a feeling is just a feeling, not a fact and is can be born better when shared.

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