Now, I’m at a time when I can sit and reflect. The last year and a half have been whirlwind; moving repeatedly, changing jobs and living in absolute uncertainty every single day. Yes, life is uncertain, but we all need a log to hold onto to feel safe and have some sense of normalcy. I had none. I’m simply glad that I have this down time now to reflect and build a life of my own.
This time of reflection brought me back to something my ex-husband constantly said; “You have no ambition.” This stung. He was right and wrong. I had no ambition because I was doing what I liked to do which was to teach and that was going well. Maybe not economically, which I’m sure, was what he was aiming at.
Our definition of success was different too. For him, it was a paycheck amount, and rank, as for me, it was enjoying every minute of my job. However, things got tough when I was divorced. I had to get a fatter paycheck to start my life alone. My ambition remained the same, taking a job I liked and enjoying it as much as possible. I got it! Luckily I landed a job in an amazing place I hope to start at in September. Now, I can breathe easy.
Ambition, as Google has it is aspiration, intention, goal, aim, objective, purpose, intent, plan, scheme, calling, vocation, etc… So, I was surprised to find that he was accusing me of something that I was not. My definition is a calling, an objective, but one that has little to do with power, rank or money. It’s a humble one that aims at doing what I do best: teach.