If you are asking yourself whether or not you should leave your relationship, that in itself should be a red flag. But breaking up isn’t so simple, especially if you have kids. Asking your friends for advice might leave you even more baffled. So, instead of bending your friends’ ears for advice you probably won’t take anyway, here are some questions to ask yourself if you’re considering breaking up with your partner:
Do you love him?
Is he fulfilling your expectations in terms of what you want in a partner?
Do you enjoy the time you spend together?
Is he dependable and trustworthy?
Do you see yourself happily growing old with him?
Of course, no one is going to fulfill all of your needs and it’s unrealistic to believe the perfect partner even exists. But answering the above questions is a good start. Keep in mind that lust eventually fades away and what is left is love and care—or nothing at all. You should also be aware that your spouse cannot take on all the roles in your life, nor should he; he can’t simultaneously be a lover, husband, best friend, and parent to you.
Following are some considerations that may help you make the decision to stay or leave your current relationship.
BAD REASONS TO STAY
- Guilt: Would you want someone to stay with you out of pity? Of course not! So, don’t stay because you’re afraid of hurting him.
- Fear: Once you get out of a bad relationship, you discover it’s not that bad, after all! The problem is that we often anticipate and fear of being lonely. Turn to friends and family for support, and you will be fine.
- Money: Money is an issue, especially if you have children and if you happen to be a stay-at-home mom. Nevertheless, there are ways to get by, especially if you are able to end the relationship amicably. You should file for child support if you need it. There is also help out there for single moms until you get back on your feet.
GOOD REASONS TO STAY
- Tough Times: You or your spouse are going through a rough patch, got laid off, had a death in the family, or any other event that could cloud your better judgment. Wait it out and, when you are over your grief, reevaluate the situation.
- Love: You love and respect each other but may be experiencing the 7-year itch. Perhaps counseling would help. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Most people go to therapy when their relationship is beyond repair.
- Trust & Friendship: If you trust your partner and have a good friendship, maybe it’s time to revisit your sex life, and find ways to spark it up.
- Family: Children can put a huge strain on any relationship. The first few years of parenthood are tough on the couple. If you make it through those, you may establish an even stronger bond than you had before.
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