You led the way… A 23 year old apology.

This is a belated letter. Almost 23 years late, but it’s here nevertheless. Now in retrospect I wish I could erase some damage I may have caused you. We did part, not as enemies but as two people who lost a battle. Who lost the most? I ‘d like to think we both gained. How could painful loss be a gain? Only time allows us to look back, retrace our steps and see what transpired and reflect. We lost each other but we both won.

You gained freedom from pain. From the person I was then. You gained a family, a perfect life and successful career. I gained self-knowledge, recovery and how to become a whole functioning human being again.

You don’t know this, but you have always led the way. In my dreams you have always appeared soothing me, and telling me what was the right course, and it always was the honest one. True that I failed to heed your advice and faltered, but then again, it’s hard to go against your inherent nature. Yet, as I tread on, I see the red flags you seem to post, because I always remember the values you stood for and wanted to make mine.

Thank you NG for happening. It was to be, and although I apologize for the pain I brought on to you at youth, I celebrate the positive impact you had.

Be happy, be safe, and keep posting those red flags unbeknownst you.