It takes courage to admit to yourself that you’ve been fooled. That “aha!” moment is like taking a punch to the face, not to mention how your ego is left in rags! The shame, the humiliation can be pretty devastating, and the self deprecatory remarks make things even worse. Of course, the other person suffers, unfortunately, only in your own mind, while you try to imagine ways you can hurt them back. However, you can’t because you were fool enough to fall prey to them. So, in a way: Shame on yourself!
Of course, I am joking. Not shame on you, shame on them, but you are the one who gets to deal with feeling like a sucker!
Once you reach that moment when something clicks and you have the clarity to connect the dots, and see the whole picture as it was, as it is, at least you can start to build your self-worth, and not allow such a thing to happen again. At least, by the same person. Now, you get to scratch them off the “I-like-people list,” and move them onto the “ass-hole list.”
Feeling stupid, being taken for a fool is tough to swallow. But, only you can reach that boiling point when you say: “Enough!” Nobody can point it out for you. You have to experience it yourself. We are that stubborn.
Coming to terms with your blindness, especially if it has been going on for a while, is damn painful but you have to treat yourself kindly. The worst you can do is live in denial. Accept you’ve been suckered and forgive yourself. (the other person is a whole other story.)
What to do?
Wait it out. Own up to what role you played. Go over the story and make sure you learnt your lesson. You weren’t stupid, you were either too naive or too forgiving. That’s not bad. Sometimes it’s better to be the “naive one” than the perpetrator of the “suckering” act.
As to forgiving the other party, it will take a while. Let that sit. Focus on forgiving yourself and stop insulting yourself for your gullibility.
You won’t forget, but in time, while you focus on nurturing your “real relationships,” the people on the “I-like-list,” you will no longer give them so much thought. nonetheless, you shouldn’t forget, those are the lessons we need in order to be ready for the next “ass-hole.”
Let’s keep in mind that the most important lessons we learn in life are painful. On the lighter side, you get to truly appreciate the wonderful “other” people in your network.