I try to be good, but this has not always been the case. I carry a lot of guilt on my back, for things I did and things I should have done but didn’t. Mostly for selfish reasons, I have come to realize and understand only now when it’s late to change them, but there is hope that I won’t repeat those same mistakes thanks to the guilt they sparked.
I have done a lot of self-reflection in the last 16 months. I had to when everything in my life started crumbling. My first reaction on the first calamity was “Why me?” “Why now?” And this is pretty darn selfish. Things just happen and sometimes we don’t have any say in them. But when we do, when we own up to how we triggered those events that hurt a hell of a lot, I personally find myself feeling extremely guilty and ashamed.
The downside of feeling guilty it that it can keep you trapped in an ocean of sadness, regret, and unable to overcome the sorrow of what part you played in the unfortunate event.
The good side of feeling guilty is that it inspires you to make amends, say how sorry you are and admit your fault. This may not change the outcome but it does feel much better.
I am one of those people who self-reflect too much. Mostly weighing what I could have done better and how I could have avoided certain circumstances and other people’s suffering. I just cannot live feeling I have hurt people. I’ll do whatever amends I have to, to right the wrong as best I can.
Guilt is painful and makes us do severely stupid things, yet it is far better than being unaware of the pain we cause other people, and simply feel nothing but entitlement.
Guilt has driven me to take a hard look at my actions and feel deeply sorry for things I did wrong. I’ve taken action as soon I realized what I had done wrong to my family, friends, and ex-husband over the years. I still feel guilty, but I am able to feel some redemption and relief. They seem to have forgiven me and that I needed the most.