Some say I love you effortlessly, while others like my self have difficulty saying it, feeling it, or even expressing it. Love means different things to different people, but the definition remains: deep caring for someone.
As I said, for my self it’s always been hard to utter or express love, so in stead, I used to buy my way to show I cared. But it never worked. Leaving my self and the recipient confused and cold. Showing you care goes beyond gift giving. It goes beyond the words I love you, without an action to back it up it becomes meaningless. Prolonged, repeated actions, I’ve found, are the utmost expression of caring. You can’t buy your way to someone’s heart.
I bought my beloved a Montblanc years ago. I really couldn’t afford it at the time, but I knew it had to be pricy so he would believe I cared. However, it backfired because he didn’t give a damn about the pen, he cared about me, he cared to know that I loved him. So, I wasted my money. It’s easier to buy something than to say I love you, or show your affection doing some footwork.
Our relationship had to end for me to understand, years later, my own inability to express emotion or feel it. In time, I realized he was the man I will always look up to. He was loving, caring, responsible, in short; all I was not. Yet, as I grew older and hopefully wiser, I began to really love him as I should have. As I now remember the pen, I understand how things no longer matter. It is what we do that holds the key.